I just reconnected with an old work colleague and it was so nice to hear from him. Last time we spoke he had a young family and seemed to be doing well. It is interesting that from appearances we think people are doing well from the outside however he was going through some relationship issues with his wife. As he is recently remarried and expecting another little one. I guess he has now found his relationship happiness and I am so happy for him. Life is too short to be with the wrong person, we just don’t allow ourselves to shine and grow as we are too busy ‘trying’ to fix the insecurities of the other person. We change to suit them and in the long term this does not serve us anymore. We do not like ourselves anymore and we lose our sense of self. Ultimately we begin to gather confidence to tackle our own insecurities and find our own happiness, after all our spouses are not responsible for our happiness we are! So taking responsibility and accountability is the first step. When we...

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Keeping a relationship sweet with a spouse or partner over the years can often be pretty challenging. The same can also be said of business relationships. Put the two together and WOW! The concept of 'relationship skills' will take on a whole different meaning! Having lived and worked together with my husband for over 20 years, both in a  home office and away from home premises. Needless to say there have been “moments”, while we’ve learned a lot about how to run a micro business together, we've also found ways to keep our personal relationship interesting and romantic. Here are some of the strategies we have developed: • Keep the space between you clean with regular WIFLS (What I feel like saying).  Often before we go to bed at night, or even during the day if one of us can feel some tension, we ask, “Have you any WIFLS”.  This can quickly handle any misunderstandings over something the other has said or done that we disagree with or are upset about.  It ...

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When we keep things inside that bother us, we tend to ruminate about the finer details and how it makes us feel. This can lead to feeling inadequate, unsupported, misunderstood, unloved and if you find yourself maintaining a straight face that shows to the world that you are ‘ fine’ and ‘ok’ then this article is for you! You see if you do not air your issues, you just keep burying them into the depth of your being you will generate dis-ease in your body. Especially if this is your way of coping with the knocks of life and being in relationships. Not one relationship is smooth sailing, (unless one is in full control and the other is compliant). Better I make myself clear: No one healthy relationship is smooth sailing. They all require work, love, attention, communication, trust and respect. So if you are just keeping it bottled in then you will eventually have to explode to let the air out! If you come to this explosive end, you may likely completely loose it and then suffer the c...

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Whilst at the grocery checkout I overheard a lady saying on the mobile “why do I keep doing this? And ‘never again will I act this way with men?” I empathized with her as a few years ago I was that woman (well perhaps not on the mobile spilling out my private life!) . I too had created patterns around my ‘future partners’ and kept repeating those patterns until I sorted out my own needs. Then I finally broke my non-serving ways. We all have patterns of behaviors and some are conscious and some are not, we just do and often we are driven emotionally to do something without really realizing the consequences or impact on our future decisions. Like taking a main highway we have this road all mapped out in our minds and body so it just happens.. Until we say ‘never again’. Once we recognize this we are on the road to awareness and change and like any habit, we need to replace it with something else, more productive and constructive. That is the key, if you change this habit and this too d...

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Today I felt a bit lost and lonely, we had family and friends around us since mid October and yesterday we all headed off to the airport to bid them farewell. My in-laws had become so integrated into our routines that I felt vacant and sad all day, the low lying clouds adding to this mood. Strange you get so used to having people around, interacting, sharing stories and having their energy fill your home. We all enjoyed their company especially their 11 month grand-daughter she was so happy to play, get taken out for walks, and to hang out with her oma and opa. I enjoyed the break, to do other duties and to write uninterrupted, it was bliss. Having love and connection fills your heart and makes you realize that it is not just about you, you are part of a tribe that share common interests and take care of children together. There is something to be said about sharing the gearing of children, having the extended family close by and having conversations that matter. I know in my cultur...

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Good things happen to other people, you see them on Sunday with their beautiful clothes, cars and families. They are having gelato at the corner café, all seem to be getting along famously. You wonder, ‘what a lucky woman, she seems to have it all’. Yes good things happen to others whilst you are simply struggling to find the right partner and hopefully one day have some good fortune. Can you believe that people actually think like this? They feel that they are not worthy or deserving of having such a reality?  Putting others on a pedestal just distances you from your ideal life. Making it appear so far away and unattainable. Well as a life coach I am here to tell you that you can be that lucky woman if you first of all, believe in yourself. It still surprises me how some women will under play their strengths so others can take the credit, they do not want to shine. They want to fly under the radar and just get by. Well with this attitude how on earth are you going to attract th...

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Why do people stay in relationships which make them unhappy? I ask myself this as lately this theme just keeps coming up. I guess the fear of being alone comes up, and the fact that this is all they know, even if this relationship is toxic and is dysfunctional. This is a certainty even if you get angry and feel depleted you want out but cannot muster the energy and the resources to walk away…. You live under the same roof yet you are miles away mentally and physically, you just stay in this hoping that they will change their ways….   Well no matter how much you want them to change and fulfill your needs they may not. You cannot control them. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness otherwise you just mirror each other and this is why you feel so down. You need to nurture yourself and protect yourself.   Do something about it; after all you deserve to be happy don’t you? You are the master of your own destiny so how much more pain are you willing to fee...

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It has been a while since I last wrote a post for our articles. This is something it has been on my mind for a while now. Firstly because I have been there before and secondly because I can see someone close to me being in a similar situation. Before I met my soul mate in my lovely wife, I had two very consuming long term relationships, which in the end made me very lonely. Looking back at them from where I am today, it makes me realize that I missed out on a lot of quality time with people that I love. The question I didn’t ask was: Is this relationship a two way street? , who is giving and who is taking in the relationship. There was one thing that kept me in both relationships and that was guilt. Yes I felt guilty and I was allowing my partners to play the guilt game with me. I want to make clear that I am not blaming my former partners for this, I allowed this to happen. I made myself feeling guilty and instead of standing up for myself I curled up and closed down to protect mys...

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This last month has really been different, it is the first time in my life that I have really felt this way, so much has changed. My role as a mother has given me this new-ness feeling and how natural it all feels, like I have done this for a while now. It has been just a few days shy of 4 weeks since our baby girl joined our family and the emotions are still running high. It is a privilege being her carer her teacher and her guide in life. When we grow we naturally give to others and this adds to our sense of self in such an unselfish way. We are serving others and we seek connection and contribution. I am sure many parents feel this way. You do not know how life changes until you have children. How true a statement. I had heard it so many times that I was waiting for the moment where I could say ‘yes that is when it happened’. For me it was right after birth. Our baby was real and here, and she needed protection, love, food and comfort. Children are a gift and we as parents are ther...

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This story is inspired by one of my clients who has already accomplished so much in his 37 years and yet he does not see what his accomplishments are, instead he is focusing on what is still missing.. I guess we all tend to focus on that from time to time, what we want is still out there elusive and un-touchable. So after awhile this becomes demotivating and we get stuck in our predicament. All we want is to do better and putting this into practice becomes the real challenge. This is when we need to tackle each day as it comes one at a time. Set yourself some realistic mini-goals each day. Focus on the action and get on with living authentically. If you find yourself reflecting on the past this will not serve you going forward so make a conscious decision to minimize the mental tennis matches and be in the now.. Being better takes work, otherwise you just stay complacent and nothing will change. The world changes around you and you are left behind. Just imagine what your life would ...

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