Many people find it extremely difficult to say ‘No’ to people’s requests and demands. I personally struggled with this for most of my life.  Why do so many of us find it so difficult to say ‘No’? From analysing my own experiences and talking to other people I have found the following to be some of the causes.   * Habit * Underestimating a task * Desire to rescue, serve and please others * Fear of rejection * Guilt * Poor self-esteem and self-confidence * Not knowing how to be assertive * Avoids confrontation  It is important to understand that always saying ‘YES’ can lead to overload and feelings of frustration, resentment, stress and can also steel you away from important activities in your life. I classify important activities in your life as activities that make you happy and healthy and that contribute in some way to you achieving your life’s goals.  It is important to understand that when you say ‘YES’ to accepting an undertaking  y...

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Isn't if funny how when someone points out a particular car, celebrity or place that you hadn't really noticed before all of a sudden seems to appear everywhere, on TV, in a magazine, in conversation... Coaching also brings to surface many things we may not have noticed before about ourselves, our relationships, our attitudes, our fears, our strengths. With this newfound knowledge what you may have seen as a flaw is now an attribute or what may have been scary is now exciting. Some people want to conquer the world, others want peace of mind, others still want to become more creative. A life coach is what you want them to be: a support, a sound board, a facilitator, a motivator, for accountability, an objective pair of ears. If something is missing then change is in order. Even small changes can make the world of difference. It's all about understanding where you are at and where you'd like to be. You might be surprised to find you're just where you want to be, or close. Only you hadn...

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  Self-image is how your perceive yourself. It comprises of a number of self-impressions that have been built up over time. Your self-image has a direct impact on your identity, behaviour and results. A positive self-image is extremely important in aiding you to achieve the results that you want in your life and ultimately your level of happiness. It has been said that you will never out-perform your self-image. Your image of yourself can be distorted in comparison to how others see you. It is very important to understand this point. We can be over critical of ourselves or think too highly of ourselves. Either way it can be detrimental to us. It is important to have a realistic image of yourself. How do you see yourself? The way that you see yourself can manifest itself in how others end up seeing you. If you project a positive self-image others will more likely see you as a positive, capable person. It is easy to be fooled in thinking that an intelligent, attractive and fi...

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Don’t think of a red apple, no I said don’t think of a red apple! He he... What did you just think of? Give me a clap if you just thought of a red apple. Yipeeeee, thank you! No, I’m not a mind reader, however what I do know is this....... you can’t think about, what you don’t want to think about, without thinking about it. Think about that! Yep, I’ll say it again and I bet you’re saying it in your head slowly, right now..........you can’t think about, what you don’t want to think about, without thinking about it. Think about that! So........What’s this all about then? Why is it some people might say “I hope I don’t put on weight like I did last time I went on a diet? What are they really focused on telling themselves? Of course,.....putting on weight. What are they just as likely to do in the long run? Put on weight, right? Because that’s the image they have created in their mind. Think about it for a second, what happens when a person who wants to create a great relationship is...

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  We all go through challenges in life, some have physical challenges of conquering Mount Everest, others have a marriage breakdown and their whole world crumbles. Some have health challenges that no matter what they do they are in the same situation as last year! Challenges are there for us to grow, adapt, get stronger, learn, accept and move on. In a state of crisis we need to act, we become motivated to get to a safe place, as in a crisis our bodies are in a state of shock and movement is required, sometimes stress can mount to propelling us to do something! Not the ideal way to act, in reaction to something, but if you are in a crisis, like a car accident, your child is not safe, or we see no way out of our current dilemma, then your body takes over. Often times we see no solution because we are in an unresourceful state, we dwell in the negatives, and catastrophize the end result and feel overwhelmed. We over analysise all the possible angles and then don’t do anything as ...

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  Do you remember the last time you finally arrived at a decision to do or change something in your life, only to recognise few months later that you have done nothing (or very little) towards turning that decision into reality? Yes, most of us know that feeling of self-frustration, helplessness and under minded ego when yet again, we for some reason let ourselves down. At the same time, we all know someone in our lives who just seems to do whatever they set their minds to in all areas of their life. We must wonder, “What is it they do, have or are that makes them different from me”? Although there is no universal answer to this question, as an Life Coach, I often find that the main differences between the two groups of people are not their personality traits, intelligence or their social status, but the way they approach the goal at hand. The key to success for many people seems to be their motivation to achieve their goals and just as importantly their commitment and persistenc...

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  Fear is defined as a powerful biological feeling of unpleasant risk or danger, either real or imagined. It is believed that we are all born with an innate sense of fear and this is important as it helps us to remain safe and protects us from potential danger to our wellbeing. However, the fears that are learned can be a barrier to self-growth and self-betterment. Our experiences in our environment can unintentionally imprint fear and limitation in our minds. Phrases such as “Don’t do that or I’ll smack you!” or “Be careful, you will hurt yourself.” are heard from a young age and plant fear and thoughts of limitation in our minds and these fears tend to grow as we grow older and affect many areas of our lives. To succeed in life and get what you truly want you will need to overcome the fears that are limiting you. We all experience certain fears; fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of criticism, fear of growing old, fear of change etc. The key is to overcome them and you...

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  GIVING UP PERFECTIONISM Perfectionism is a myth. When someone says “I am a perfectionist” what I am hearing is that they really have no standards. Perfectionism cannot be achieved, so it’s the same as saying you want to achieve the impossible. Yet isn’t it interesting how much time people spend trying to attain it. Saying we want perfection is really another way of saying I don’t feel confident to say the task is complete. And isn’t that another way of saying I fear not being enough? Hmmmmm.... How about instead of focusing on perfection, you focus on the results you really want to achieve? Giving up the illusion of perfection is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, because it frees up your energy and time to focus on what really matters. When people are first introduced to this they tend to feel a level of fear because they have convinced themselves that it’s necessary to achieve this. Abandoning perfection seems scary because they are unclear about what to rep...

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When was the last time you got out of your comfort zone? For me last Wednesday was the day of getting out of my safe routine. You see I went door knocking. I wasn’t selling I was raising money for a worthy cause. It felt strange and I began to realize that most of us have built-in safety zones, we go within the boundary limits and that is it. Because to be frank with you having to stretch yourself is scary and you are vulnerable. So as I approached my designated street I practiced my speech out loud. “Hello Red Cross Calling” why did I volunteer? Simply to do just that, to get out of my comfort zone and raise money for a great charity. So as I approached the first block of units I realized that most people weren’t in or made excuses for not giving at all. In my head I was not attached emotionally, whatever they could give great, and if not, fine, said thanks and walked away. By the time I had reached the end of the street, I was more relaxed, smiled and donations came my way. As they ...

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“Whether you think that you can or that you can’t, you’re right” - Henry Ford * Have you ever wondered why someone else is always the one to get the promotion or the pay rise and yet you don’t think they’re any better than you? Have you ever wondered why you set a goal but for some reason you just can’t achieve it or something goes wrong to sabotage it just before you reach your goal? These are just two of the things that can happen when your internal language is not in harmony with what you want to achieve. If your unconscious is busy telling you “I can’t…..” or “I’ll fail…..” or “I’m not good enough……” or “I’m afraid……” or “I don’t deserve it……” then it’s likely that you will not achieve what you want because you have already embedded in your mind the belief that you will not succeed. Sometimes we build up these beliefs on the basis of past performance and then make the excuse to ourselves because we failed once, we will always fail. One thing that Thomas Edison knew was that ma...

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