Learn how the words you use affect the results you're going to get!
As an amazingly intricate piece of work, our mind is constantly filtering and sorting for evidence that the world around us matches how we think it should be. We are constantly evaluating...thinking and analysing people, circumstances, words, actions, our environment, today, yesterday, tomorrow, and in particular what these all mean to us. If you stop to think about it long enough, we are constantly evaluating. So, since we spend most of our day doing it, should we get clearer on exactly what an evaluation is? I tried to evaluate what an evaluation is and then I realised I was asking myself a series of questions. Is it possible that evaluations are questions? Of course, that in itself is a question is it not? Can it be that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions?
Are you familiar with that little voice that pops up from time to time, that little fella that sits on your shoulder and talks to you rather incessantly- is it time to get up – when’s the next train, what’s the weather like today, is my shirt ironed, do I have the proposal ready, what time is my appointment, what’s the agenda for the morning, have I paid the bills, what will I have for lunch, will I need to stop off at the supermarket, am I picking up the kids tonight,….get the picture? We need to realise that most of what we do, day in and day out is to ask and answer questions. Would it be wise therefore to be more aware of where and how you focus your attention based on the words and questions you ask yourself?
I'm kinda curious, what words and questions do you think you ask yourself most often? Think for a moment about a past mistake or something that didn’t work out the way you really wanted it to. What did say to yourself? Perhaps why me, why does this always happen to me? What’s wrong with me, how come I never get it right, why am I unhappy?
What if you asked yourself - ok so what do I need to learn from this? How do I do this differently next time?. Notice that the Why questions give you a dead end and a bit of a punch in the guts, whereas the how or what questions give you more choices, make you feel a bit better regardless of what has just occurred. Your mind will seek out whatever you ask of it - what you focus on is what you get, so do you think a better way would be to feed your mind with something that involves support, kindness, patience , growth, knowledge, even some laughter? What would this mean for you? What would it mean to really start being your own best friend in the good times as well as the not so good? I wonder how differently you would feel and how this more relaxed state of mind would alter the relationship with yourself and with people central to your life, your partner, parents, children, and colleagues.
Understand this - The quality of your questions determines the quality of your life, the better questions you ask the better results you get ,what you consistently ask yourself will consistently determine your results. You can’t turn your questions off so how about we create some really great ones that are going to drive you forward in your confidence level, your actions and ultimately the results you’re going to get.
Those old thoughts and questions have had their day, time get some questions that are really going to work for you now. Questions are about intent, empowering you, giving you more possibilities, serving you, lots of new choices... anything that encourages and supports you has got to be a smarter question to ask. Heck, think of life as a game of jeopardy – all the answers are there, all you have to do is come up with the right questions to win, right? Here are some to help you along the way.
Problem solving questions
- What is the gift in this problem?
- What is not right yet?
- How do I manage this differently?
- What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
- How can I enjoy the journey/process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?
Daily empowerment questions
- What do I appreciate right now in my life?
- What am I thankful about right now in my life?
- What am I proud of right now in my life?
- What am I committed to right now in my life?
- Who do I love and who loves me?
- What have I learned today – how have I grown?
- How has today added to the quality of my life?
Have a go at adding more to these lists, personalise them and keep them somewhere handy to use as a prompt from now on anytime something goes pear shaped...perhaps in your diary, a post it note on the fridge, on your shower screen...whatever works best for you.
Empowering the beautiful person you are, inside and out