Find Your Relationship Happiness

Photo by kelsey in texas

I just reconnected with an old work colleague and it was so nice to hear from him. Last time we spoke he had a young family and seemed to be doing well. It is interesting that from appearances we think people are doing well from the outside however he was going through some relationship issues with his wife. As he is recently remarried and expecting another little one. I guess he has now found his relationship happiness and I am so happy for him. Life is too short to be with the wrong person, we just don’t allow ourselves to shine and grow as we are too busy ‘trying’ to fix the insecurities of the other person. We change to suit them and in the long term this does not serve us anymore. We do not like ourselves anymore and we lose our sense of self. Ultimately we begin to gather confidence to tackle our own insecurities and find our own happiness, after all our spouses are not responsible for our happiness we are! So taking responsibility and accountability is the first step.

When we have a young family this adds to the complexity of separation. I recall a client I had a few years ago, she was so unhappy in her relationship and this began to impact her little boy. She didn’t like herself and became so emotional that her boy who was just a toddler began to have learning challenges. I felt they were related and as her coach she identified that she needed her own space. Once she had this freedom she was more settled and stable emotionally. This was good for her boy too as he became more outgoing and more confident. In the end she divorced her partner and found her own happiness within her. It takes time and it takes courage to take the first step.

How many people are in such relationships? Staying for the sake of the children and for the fact that you cannot imagine yourself alone and single again. No one says this is easy, like many obstacles in life you need to be honest with yourself and know that you do not have to be in such misery. You have choices and you need to plan your own happiness no matter what. If you wait until your children leave home you may have attributed to more ‘relationship issues’ that your children may carry as a consequence of you living in disharmony. They learn from you and they may repeat the same mistakes you are making as a result.

Doesn’t that say that your true happiness counts? Absolutely like my friend he was brave to leave one relationship that didn’t fulfill him anymore and then found happiness and love in another. Now he is happy and in the long term so will all his children.