Who Says What Your Limits Should Be?

Don’t you just love it when you still learn something new about your partner/husband, even though you’ve been together for so long! The other day I was having a conversation with my other half about friendship and our respective circle of friends (with particular reference to why he regards certain school friends as more “my friends” and not “his friends”.) The fact that we have both known them equally for 15 years doesn’t sway him to my rationale that they are “our friends”. As far as he is concerned his circle is full at the moment...

We always say we need to get out of our comfort zone (and he would be the first to agree that that is an area that he could work on) but sometimes we also need to pull back on ourselves and be realistic. His reason for not taking on “more friends” - he can’t even look after the ones he’s got! Why should he stretch himself to the point where he can’t maintain a decent friendship with anyone?

I’m using the analogy of friendship for shock value (for the simple reason to me, and to many others, that its almost inconceivable to think that you wouldn’t want / accept more friends into your life), however it really is a concept that can extend to many other areas of our lives. For example, membership of sporting groups or committees, owning multiple properties, working 60hrs per week… wherever you can see an expectation that we should have to do more!

Life has become so fast paced and over-stimulated that taking it back a notch is not such a bad form of “therapy”. You only have to look at people who’s lives are tragically cut short (I think of the inspirational Jane McGrath as I write this) and their message to appreciate every day for what it is is reinforced again. How many people does it take to say this before the message sinks in?

Here I was judging my husband for being a bad friend (because he wouldn’t expand his circle) when really he was being a better person to his current friends and to himself. He makes the most of the time he has with those who mean the most to him. And how – because he knows his limits!

As a coach I’m all for reaching for the stars, so don’t confuse my writings here as an argument for pro-apathy. All I’m saying is don’t let society dictate what you should or shouldn’t do (or that you’re a better person if you have more friends than someone else you know).

Where is there a conflict in your life at the moment between what you want and what “society” (or your wife) expects you should have to do? Take a moment to work out in your own mind what your limit is, be clear on it, stick to it and most of all, defend it!